Your Call Is Important To Us ...

I have begun collecting euphemisms and supposedly polite phrases that mask less pleasant realities. Here are a few, with interpretations:

Convenience fee: Screw you. We are Ticketmaster and we charge you what we want to, and it’s very inconvenient.

Customers of size: Southwest Air has a “customers of size policy,” that says larger people need to buy two tickets.

Your call is important to us, and will be answered in the order it was received: you’re on hold and there’s nothing you can do about it. I am fond of saying this to my sweetie’s face when he’s talking about something I don’t want to deal with. Are you taking out the garbage soon? Your call is important to us ….

Job-seeker: unemployed