Your Call Is Important To Us ...

I have begun collecting euphemisms and supposedly polite phrases that mask less pleasant realities. Here are a few, with interpretations:

Convenience fee: Screw you. We are Ticketmaster and we charge you what we want to, and it’s very inconvenient.

Customers of size: Southwest Air has a “customers of size policy,” that says larger people need to buy two tickets.

Your call is important to us, and will be answered in the order it was received: you’re on hold and there’s nothing you can do about it. I am fond of saying this to my sweetie’s face when he’s talking about something I don’t want to deal with. Are you taking out the garbage soon? Your call is important to us ….

Job-seeker: unemployed

Face to Face Euphemisms

One of the things I really love is the thinly veiled euphemism. Like someone who leaves a political job after a scandal or accusation and decides to resign so they can "spend more time with their family." I'm becoming adept at reading between the lines of job ads, and this one had me rolling on the floor. You know those ads you see around that say something like, "help save the world and make great money"? You think it sounds like such a win-win situation until you learn that you work on a commission, and you have to become quite good at convincing strangers to donate to your cause before you will make any money. To be clear, I'm completely in favor of all the issues groups like this support: I want to end poverty, save the environment -- all of it. I just think these jobs are borderline scams:

We are ... a face-to-face fundraising agency [You have to go up to people and ask them for money.] ... We have mobilized pedestrians [To emphasize, you're going to talk to random strangers on the street who already know what you're going to say.] (Blah blah, to raise money for legitimately good causes.)

We Offer:

• Unlimited earning potential [Potential. It's vague on purpose. You're not going to be earning unlimited money.] with a guaranteed base hourly pay [You don't need to know the amount of this base pay. Just think of how altruistic you are.] along with an excellent bonus system yielding an average of $600-1000 weekly as well as a comprehensive benefits for full time employees [you will be a part time employee.]
• Flexible scheduling [you're going to be working wacky hours.]

P.S. I think I'd like to start collecting euphemisms. Please leave your favorite ones in the comments, and thanks!