What I've Learned From Temping, Part One

Money doesn't buy taste, but it does buy thousands of dollars worth of Christmas decorations and the staff to decorate your space to your specifications.

If it's a Friday and the company you're temping for is moving that day and they haven't told me their new address, it is probably your last day. This is not to be taken personally, as they were looking for someone with a different set of over-qualifications than yours.

At McCormick Place it is not possible to spend less than $2.50 for a bottle of water but one can spend $18 on a single slice of pizza with an iceberg lettuce salad.

At a recent gig the bathroom stall at the end of the row had a huge frosted glass window where I could see sunlight. I'm a fan of mundane things slightly altered: a gray bathroom stall with a window in it, quarters with state-specific designs on the back, the festive atmosphere on the last day of school or work before winter break. Even fire drills. The normal routine is shaken up and you see things from a slightly different angle.

There is always, always candy. Why so much candy? I've learned to bring my own snacks because sugar turns me into a sugar-crackhead surprisingly quickly.

When I do get a real job again I would really love for it to be at a non-profit organization. I have had this goal for a long time, but a short gig recently was a nice confirmation that I can thrive in settings where the mission of the organization is something I support. Removing profit from the equation is a good start; the organization exists and is funded because they do good, worthwhile work.

There is such a thing as a dog wash vending machine.

Dog Wash Vending Machine

The office at a recent temp gig was mostly quiet and gray, but occasionally I was delighted to find myself in a bizarre moment like this phone call:

"Hello, you've reached [my temp job], may I help you?"

"I'm calling about the dog wash vending machine."

Dog. Wash. Vending. Machine.

Apparently this is a real thing and one of them is broken, thus the phone call. There was a language barrier between the caller and I, so there are many questions that remain unanswered. Questions like: "What?" And, "Can you please describe the situation in much, much more detail?"